Ask Joan: Have a Sexy 2025! - Senior Planet from AARP

Joan rings in 2025 with advice that will make your new year sexier and more fulfilling.These 2025 New Years Resolutions grew out of the problems readers submitted and your reader comments! Which ones will you put into action this year?Affirm your sexual pleasureWe dont age out of sexuality.What kind of sex feels good and works for us now may change as our bodies age and we encounter health issues.

The answer is not to give up, but to read reliable resources about how aging affects sexuality, explore different ways to enjoy sex, and learn how to work through or around the challenges.Let go of limiting beliefs.Id never use a vibrator.Truth: vibrators are orgasm tools, and we may need their assistance.If we cant have intercourse, we cant have sex.Truth: there are many ways to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm that do not involve partner penetration.I was taught [fill in the blank], and I wont change now.

Truth: maybe those old beliefs serve you and maybe they dont.Be open-minded about the sexual expression and/or relationship that will work for you now.Its not too late to embrace a different version of sexuality that fits your needs now, even if it conflicts with what you were taught decades ago.Youve let go of other beliefs and restrictions that no longer serve you.

Examine your convictions about sex and relationships with an open mind.Talk to your partner about your sexual needs and wishes.Discussing the problem is a problem in itself.MWG, readerWhen youre not used to talking openly and vulnerably about sex, its a learning process.Its never too late to work on those skills, and the rewards are great.

Start here:Decide on one thing you want to ask for.Frame your request in a loving, non-judgmental way, using I statements: Id love it if youd or I like to be stimulated by.Whats your version of this statement?Practice stating your request and explaining what you mean.Dont assume its obvious!Plan a time to talk about sex while youre not naked in bed.

Choose a neutral place where your partner will also feel comfortable.Ask, dont just tell.After youve discussed your request, dont stop there.Ask your partner, What would you like to do/try/change? Really listen.Decide on an action plan.

For example, The next time we get sexual, lets try this.Check in with each other frequently.Plan to have this conversation regularly.Seek help if youre at an impasse.I respect a persons right to no longer want sex, regardless of the reason.But respect is a two-way street.

It is cruel to force another human being into a sexless life.Paul Santerr, readerDecades ago, I read: Sex is only 10% of a relationship, but when there is an issue, it becomes 90% of the problem.Joan Irvine, readerA difficult relationship problem cant be solved by a sex advice column.

I often recommend sex therapists and age-positive, sex-positive counselors.Some problems need professional help to navigate the many issues underlying the immediate problem.For example, Ive answered many questions from people unhappy in sexless marriages.One column from August 2017 How to Deal with a Sexless Marriage received an astounding 426 comments, many from frustrated readers also in sexless marriages.

Theres no quick and easy solution to a layered problem like this.Please get professional help and do the work if you want to stay married.If your spouse refuses, go on your own to figure out your options.

Reading Ask Joan: Stay or Go? might help.Know that whatever your sexual concerns, youre not alone.Im not alone.Thats something I have learned from your columns that makes me feel better.How many of us have felt weird because we had no idea that so many others were experiencing the exact same thing? Thank you for talking about these things that need to be talked about! Anne, readerYour advice and comments over the decade have helped a lot of us open communication with our partners.

You have also made many of us realize that we are not alone whilst dealing with a concern in our relationships which we thought were unique to us alone.Dave 85, readerTrying to resolve a sexual concern at our age is challenging in itself.Add to that the isolation of thinking were the only one with this problem, and solutions seem distant.

Whenever I write my column, Im aware that Im not just answering the one person whose email I selected Im answering numerous people with the same or similar question.No, youre not alone, whatever aspect of sexuality or relationship youre facing.Youre in a welcoming community here where we can talk openly about sex and relationships.Thank you, Senior Planet, for making that possible.Want more?For more tips for enhancing your sexual pleasure, read Sexy New Years Resolutions 2025.Got a Question?Do you have a question for Joan?Read this before submitting!You must beage 60 and above.

Be sure to state your age.No short questions.Include a clear and interesting backstory: what happened that led to the problem/question?Check back columns in case Joan has already addressed your topic.If so, but your question wasnt addressed, put a new spin on the topic.This is an advice column from a sex educator, not a substitute for a doctor or therapist.If your question is right for Joans column, she will email you directly and select your question only if you respond to her email.

After you submit your question, check your spam/junk folder in case your overzealous spam filter captures her email.Selected questions will be answered in this public column, not privately.If you want a private answer, you can book Joan for apersonal consultation.Ready to submit your [email protected] Price has been Senior Planets Sex at Our Age columnist since 2014.She is the author of four self-help books about senior sex, including her award winners: Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and the newly updated and expanded Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved.

Visit Joanswebsite and blogfor senior sex news, views, tips, and sex toy reviews from a senior perspective.Subscribe to Joans free, monthly newsletter.